Work Excuses

Want to take leave? Try one of these reasons....


I'm calling in with stomach problems, I can't stomach working today.

I cant come into work today.....I have amnesia from when my two year old hit me over the head with his toy... wait I don't have a two year old.....do I?


I can't come to work today, my head hurts and it only hurts when I come to work!


I cant come in today as I have an interview for a job I really want and cannot be bothered to lie, which shows you exactly how much I care about your stinking job anyway.


I can't come in today because I've just realized I actually save money if I stay at home. Apart from the bus fare, the prices in your canteen are outrageous and I always end up drinking at lunchtime to cope with the depression of working for you.


I can't come to work today, my dog gave birth to kittens!


(*Over the Phone*) I won't be able to make it into work because I lost my voice.


I am not late; I am in fact 23 hours early. I did not come in yesterday because of diarrhea, I expect 23 hours of overtime!


I can't come in today because I will kill you if I do.

Thanks a Lot

Thanks a lot

To Whomsoever It May Concern

"My Sincere Apology"

There is no love, like a mother's love,
no stronger bond on earth...
like the precious bond that comes from God,
to a mother, when she gives birth.

A mother's love is forever strong,
never changing for all time...
and when her children need her most,
a mother's love will shine.

God bless these special mothers,
God bless them every one...
for all the tears and heartache,
and for the special work they've done.

When her days on earth are over,
a mother's love lives on...
through many generations,
with God's blessings on each one.

Be thankful for our mothers,
for they love with a higher love...
from the power God has given,
and the strength from up above.


To My Mom

AN UNUSUAL LETTER

A letter from a Sardar's mother to her son
  
    My dear Jagjit, I am in a well here and hoping you are also in
    a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because
    I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we
    did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper
    that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we
    moved 20miles. I won't be able to send the address as
    the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers
    with them for their new house so they would not have
    to change their address. Hopefully by next week we
    will be able to take our earlier address plate here,
    and that our address will remain same too.This place
    is really nice. It even has a washing machine,situated
    right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well.
    Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and
    haven't seen them since.

    The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only
    twice last week. The First time it rained for 3 days
    and second time for 4 days.
    The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt
    said it would be a little too heavy to send in the
    mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off
    and put them in the pocket.

    Your father has another job. He has 500 men
    under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
    By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The
    manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece
    swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were
    confused as to which piece should we remove?

    Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't
    found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't
    know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
    Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well.Some
    men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off
    bravely and drowned.We cremated him and he burned for
    three days.

    Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He
    died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His
    father had wished to be buried in the sea after he
    died. And your friend died while in the process of
    digging a grave for his father.
    There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much
    has happened.
    Love - Mom.

    P.S. Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by
    the time I realized, I had already sealed off this
    letter.